Can Purell be used as lube?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
porn star boner night. come get it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
