He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
