dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
