He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
