she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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