my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
