I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
