i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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