But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
