I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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