wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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