I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
