Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
