so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
