New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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