ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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