i may or may not be watching the land before time
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
