I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
