the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
