she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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