hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
