My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
