I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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