I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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