I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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