I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
