I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I die, sorry about rent.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
