me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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