If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."