Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
