i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.