Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
