I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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