Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
