I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
