i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
