Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
