yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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