i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
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You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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