Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
