thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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