Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
