I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
