at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
