i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
