How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
