just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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