im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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