Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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