Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
