capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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