She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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