She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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