I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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