Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
