why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
