True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
