kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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