My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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