I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Terrible idea I love it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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