Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
