accomplished twins. life is a go
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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