Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
