I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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