we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
