Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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