I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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