chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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