shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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