I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
