there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
