so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
