Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My dick has a subreddit
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
