I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
