I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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