you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
