i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
