By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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