dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need to calm my uterus...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
